Really Irritating Things

Last night’s post on that silly Discovery Channel seems to have gotten me stuck on lists. Everybody in the blogosphere seems to be there too, and El Jefe definitely wants to keep up with the March of Civilization. I am relatively easy to irritate, so I figured I’d start a list of Really Irritating Things (“RIT’s”). Normally, I’m a relatively happy guy and to prove it, a sequel: Fun and Good Things, is in preparation. But meanwhile, I’m in a grumpy mood and want to talk about RIT’s. Here’s a sampling:

1. People who don’t turn their cell phones on.
2. People who call me on my cell phone, if they’re people I don’t want to talk to.
3. Inability to hang-up on an answering machine without it making your phone ring.
4. The ginormous amounts of ad material in the Sunday paper.
5. The Democratic Party since the 60’s.
6. Gossip about me.
7. Gossip about other folks I don’t hear first.
8. Not keeping my secrets or quarrelling in public.
9. People who call with a problem, and don’t GET TO THE POINT.
10. Longwinded excuses for the point. Stuff is what it is, people. (See #9).
11. John McCain. Splendid fellow, but I don’t as a rule like gadflies.
12. Getting home and going out again for something I could have gotten on the way.
13. People who don’t tell me the bad news up front.
14. Choo-Choo trains blocking the tracks where I need to drive at 5:00 p.m.
15. Missing a party.
16. Forgetting something and having to go back.
17. Tactlessness. When you have to say no, say good-bye, or otherwise deliver disappointment, it costs nothing to be polite.
18. Telemarketers at the dinner hour, or pretty much any other time.
19. Michael Moore. Needs no explanation.
20. Finding the butter left out.
21. Lateness.
22. Paul Krugman. All his stuff reads the same.
23. Being awakened before at least 10 a.m. on a Saturday.
24. No caffeine with my breakfast.
25. People who don’t return my books.
26. The sound of Rod Stewart. Makes me want to reach for my revolver.
27. People who are mean to animals.
28. The United Nations. It’s quite enough that we pay for it, why should we have to listen to it too ?
29. Ice Cream on my brownie. Put it on the side, please.
30. Fire ants.
31. Doing the first name thing if you’re trying to sell me something or do business with me and I don’t know you yet. That’s MISTER El Jefe to you.
32. Rodents – are right out.
33. Lawyers. Yes, I am one, but I put it away when I go home, as do most lawyers I like.
34. People who don’t control their kids in public.
35. John Kerry. Okay, I have a problem with Lefty Massachusetts Yankees.
36. The maids hiding my stuff.
37. People poking into my beeswax.
38. Answering questions. I ask them, thank you.
39. Bait and switch. I HATE people who revise the deal.
40. Do-gooders who want to beat on people with the law. If people want to smoke, drink, run their weedeaters or fornicate, and it’s on their dime, what’s it to ya ?
41. Rudeness. Just a “thank you,” “good morning” and a little eye-contact goes a long way.
42. Not keeping your word.
43. Ted Kennedy (see # 35).
44. People who don’t return calls or e-mails. If you have bad news – stand in the door and deliver it.
45. People who aren’t nice to my cats.
46. Finding the fridge door cracked open.
47. The color yellow.
48. Complaining, past a certain point. Specially if there’s nothing I can do anyway.
49. Silence. I like background noise, at least.
50. Spongbob Squarepants.
51. A hard sell – you don’t make me want to buy with the high pressure gig.
52. People who don’t fall in with my plans.
53. Trucks and busses in front of me when I’m driving. I like to see.
54. Liberals who can’t tell you why they think what they think.
55. Road construction.
56. Business calls at home.
57. Computer Manuals: Written by robots to be read by machines.
58. Money. Having it is good, but dealing with it is DULL.
59. Not having money.
60. Slow service.
61. People who are over-businesslike. Smell the flowers. Be impractical sometimes.
62. The paranoid set who think we’re going to wake up tomorrow in a theocracy.
63. The wingnut set who want us to wake up tomorrow in a theocracy.
64. Liver and Onions. Nooooo thanx.
65. Peaceniks. Drive their Volvos and Saabs, eat at their high dollar restaurants, wear their fashionable outfits, play 60’s music, shop at Whole Foods, and ceaselessly bleat about oil, US imperialism and the corpos that make it all possible.
66. Michael Jackson.
67. Whiny voices, specially when combined with # 48. Throw those in with # 9 and # 10 and you’ve got The Perfect Storm.
68. Too many tattoos.
69. Rap Music, Hip Hop, or whatever it’s called this week.
70. Green peas in my salad.
71. Fidel Castro. Hopefully the rotten old bastard croaks soon.
72. Chest colds.
73. A red wine hangover.
74. People who are PC.
75. When the mail’s late.
76. Malfunctioning street lights.
77. Mixed vegetables.
78. Jimmy Carter.
79. Balancing my checkbook. (See # 58).
80. Discovering the absence of TP too late in the game.
81. Family quarrels.
82. The AC getting busted. Without AC, life itself is impossible.
83. Overcast days – come on: rain or shine world, don’t just glower.
84. Not being listened to.
85. Spotting a typo after something’s already done.
86. Car trouble.
87. Bad red wine. (see # 73).
88. Disappointing the Heir.
89. Pissing-off SWMBO.
90. Leaving the mattress pad home when camping.
91. Long boring questions by know-it-alls when the speaker’s done at a seminar.
92. Dan Rather. A smug face that just begs for a slap.
93. Runny eggs.
94. Disloyal friends.
95. Commies, socialists and lefties generally. Particularly professor types.
96. A sink full of dishes and a full dishwasher.
97. Being out of red wine. (see #73 and #87).
98. Cold coffee.
99. Downwind of B.O. or bad breath.
100. Not going bump in the night.