Friday, May 12, 2006

Mad Jad Gets An Ad Agency

An edited version of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s letter to President Bush has been published in the online version of the Guardian, a left-wing British newspaper. Okay, I’m confused. Mad Jad tells us, inter alia:

I have been thinking how one can justify the undeniable contradictions that exist in the international arena. Can one be a follower of Jesus Christ, respect human rights, present liberalism as a civilisation model, announce one's opposition to the proliferation of nuclear weapons and WMD, make "war on terror" one's slogan and work towards the establishment of a unified international community - but at the same time have countries attacked, lives, reputations and possessions of people destroyed and, on the slight chance of the presence of a few criminals in a village, for example, set the entire village ablaze?

Makes ya wanna sing Kumbaya doesn't it ? Quite something from a former Pasdaran (Revolutionary Guard) commander, and instructor of Basij Mostazafan. Never heard of the Basij ? These were untrained children, some as young as twelve, who, among other things, marched in formation through minefields in the Iran-Iraq war to clear them for the real troops behind, sometimes armed with nothing but Taiwanese plastic keys around their necks to open the gates of paradise.

Where was Mahmoud when these 12 year old kids he trained were dying in big bleeding batches clearing mines and launching human-wave attacks ? New Republic reports that his website says that "he was on active service as a Basij volunteer." Somehow I doubt he was leading human- wave assaults, or armed only with a plastic key.

Anyway, the Guardian article does not show us the Mad Jad we’ve come to know and want to point JDAM’s at these past months. I mean, Mad Jad’s usual line goes: “As the Imam said, Israel must be wiped off the map.” Or how bout this happy thought ?

Thanks to the blood of the martyrs, a new Islamic revolution has arisen and the Islamic revolution of 1384 [Iranian calendar year] will, if God wills, cut off the roots of injustice in the world. The wave of the Islamic revolution will soon reach the entire world

I guess all this is passé. The Guardian reveals a new, touchy-feely Mad, who can appeal to the liberals and the Christians. Of course, there's nothing in this letter saying “we’ll stop building nukes,” and “Israeli real-estate is safe” or "no more money to Hizbullah, and we're handing over those Al Qaeda guys in our country." Still, we’ve found a religious regime even liberals can love: maybe they’d take a fundamentalist regime if Mad gave it his okay.

There’s much more peace and love in Mad’s letter, and if you wanna have a feel good, Pete Seeger/Bob Dylan, universal brotherhood moment, you should go read the whole thing. Forget all Mad Jad’s talk about:

God willing, with the force of God behind it, we shall soon experience a world without the United States and Zionism

Just ignore all that, and instead read the letter that Mad Jad prepared for the newspapers, the press and all the other dolts and useful idiots who will do whatever is necessary to see that we don’t do anything at all. Be inspired, imbibe Mad, and consider:

If billions of dollars spent on military campaigns were instead spent on investment and assistance for poor countries, the establishment of peace, mediation between states, and extinguishing the flames of ethnic and other conflicts, would not your government and people be justifiably proud? Would not your administration's political and economic standing have been stronger? And, I am most sorry to say, would there have been an ever-increasing global hatred of the American government?

Teach it Mad ! Bread Not Bombs ! Maybe Hizbullah should have to have a bake sale to buy stuff for car-bombs. Lets sing We Shall Overcome !

Despite all these happy thoughts, when I was done, I wasn’t thinking about peace, or the prophets, or nukes, or anything that Mad said then, or has said. All I could think was: Wow, Mad’s found an ad agency.

No, I’m not going to link it.

UPDATE: (1600, 12 May). Lots of smart folks seem to think all the happy talk in Mad Jad's letter is really a declaration of war, and that Mad is giving us our last chance to convert to Islam before jihad. Perhaps the President should reply, and give Mad and crew a chance to leave the 14th Century or visit the Stone Age.

1 comment:

louielouie said...

would the comment about lolli-pops and ass-kickings apply in this instance?