Monday, January 16, 2006

Moonbats Depart

...Finally, the searchers found El Jefe, passed out in his ornamental palace gardens near his simple, Versailles-like palace in beautiful downtown Cuidad El Jefe. The Great One was lying, clothed in a swim suit, Tuxedo jacket and Mickey Mouse watch, face down at the foot of Richard Nixon's statue.
The faithful Goomba guards rushed about in confusion, as She Who Must Be Obeyed and the Heir wailed; joined by El Jefe's cats, members of Parliament, his Consiligere, members of his (kitchen) cabinet, Big Media Personalities, the local Archbishops, Mullahs and preachers of the Gospel, the Corps Diplomatique, as well as El Jefe's latest mistress (who has an astonishing resemblance to Mindy Farrar, Penthouse Pet of the year 1980-something). Finally, after a whiff of his favorite Gruyere cheese, El Jefe slowly came around.
"Boy, I had the strangest dream" El Jefe intoned, rubbing a large, obvious bump (Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau would say "bimp") on his head. "I went liberal. I was saying Bill Clinton, Kofi Annan, Michael Moore and Barbra Streisand needed to be on the Supreme Court; that Iran was Society's Fault, that Iraq needed to be given back to Saddam; that Gore was really President; that somebody elected Ronnie Earle the Pope; that I wanted USC to win the Rose Bowl; and, that I had banned Mini Skirts." (elaborate shudder). "Wow, I was giving peace a chance. Smoked some really good dope too."
El Jefe shook his head, checking out the Mindy look-alike as he did so, saying that he was glad this had just been his imagination. As El Jefe looks fondly up at Nixon's statue, the world resumes its normal speed, and all is once again as it was. The cameras began moving backwards, away from the little tableau around Nixon, giving a view of the Palace Gardens; the Wine and Cheese cellar complex; the twelve Palace libraries; the Palace bars, night-clubs, casinos, restaurants, Churches and dance-halls; the whole vast Palace complex; and finally of all Ciudad El Jefe: noisy traffic in the streets, factories happily polluting, wiretaps busily bugging, as the credits roll, and the patriotic music plays.

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