Friday, January 14, 2005

This Blog For Hire

The Honorable Rod Paige
Secretary of Education
Washington, D.C.

Dear Secretary Paige,

Your department and the Bush administration have recently been under fire for paying the TV and radio commentator Armstrong Williams $240,000 to promote the “No Child Left Behind Act.” I'm sure the Democrats are shocked, shocked that your department would engage in marketing activities for its programs, and that Democratic administrations would never (well except when they do) pay for similar favorable publicity.

I confess that I am not a reader of the estimable Mr. Williams, so I’ve missed out on what you guys got for your 240,000 clams. But I wanted to lose no time in telling you about another educational opportunity for your ad dollars.

For a mere 200,000 clams, simoleons, buckaroos or whatever your term of choice may be, I El Jefe Maximo, Supreme Ruler of the Kingdom of Chaos, would undertake to put my vast rhetorical resources at the Education Department’s command. That’s $40,000 bucks cheaper then that Williams fellow.
Think about it Mr. Secretary -- $200,000 and you gain the adherence and moral support of El Jefe, his elite Wiseguy Legions and this blog. I mean Print Your Press Releases Here. If you want El Jefe to scream “No Child Left Behind !” or "Leave All Kids Behind !" -- your choice -- till the cows come home, then Rod, This Deal’s for You.

I’m not picky, and don’t want to be unfair, so in a proper ecumenical spirit, I make the same offer to your friends on the Democratic side

Waiting (by the phone) for your call, (and your bucks),

Your pal,

El Jefe Maximo


Anonymous said...

I love it!!!!

The only way, according to former teacher The Mommy, to cure the school crisis in this country is to enact The Idiots Can't Have Kids Act. Idiots' kids coming through the mandatory public system are the problem!! That's why private education works - the private schools get to pick who they want, not the idiot parents who make the kids and then dump them into the system Do you think Microsoft and other successful companies would have had such success if they had to hire anyone who walked through the door because they were entitled to that job?? Of course not - it's all about choice.

The public school system is not fixable.

Baron Bodissey said...

I think you may have to auction. Where would the bidding start?